Disorderly Housekeeping

My blog might turn into a pumpkin for a while as I move it from WordPress to my proper host. (Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing. I think.)

In any event, if it looks weird today or tomorrow, that’s why.

UPDATE: All done for now. No more weirdness planned until further notice.

Spankable Names: Choosing a Screen Name

I don’t think I’ll surprise anyone by saying that I’m not really called Adele Haze. I’m sure there are people who act under their real names. In fact, some people’s real names sound like porn nicks to start with (the founder of Kenwood, Mr. Kenneth Wood, comes to mind).

Anyway, for me changing the name before I go into a scene is like changing a costume: it puts me in the right mood. I like changes; they keep me fresh. In fact, I’ve been Adele Haze for long enough that I’m beginning to think how much fun it would be to change it to something completely new and off-the-wall, but that would be a marketing nightmare, therefore I won’t.

When I was negotiating my first shoot with Lucy, she helpfully sent me a long list of names that were already used in the British commercial scene. I wish I still had it: it read like cheerleaders’ roll-call. There are names, you know, that seem to carry a spankable air; you see them often in spanking stories: Mandy, Amy, Kayla, Chrissie, Megan, Jessie, Melissa – I bet you have an image in front of your dirty mind’s eyes of what each girl would be like, what she would wear, what implements would have to be used. That list Lucy sent me was like that: an A4 page of pure spanking poetry. Whether the girls on it are anything like I’d imagined is quite beside the point.

In any event, some of the names I would have picked off the top of my head were already taken, so I decided to stop going by the sound and instead to pick something that had significance for me.

Adele is for the little girl in “Jane Eyre”, Mr. Rochester’s charge; I used to imagine that with his sort of temper he might not have been completely above using the birch to deal with the little brat – and a brat she definitely was. As for Haze – it is for Dolores Haze, and I shall say no more.

Spanking Pixel People

Here’s a test question for you: why isn’t it possible to spank your Sims? Why? The action should be as easy to write as any of the other things they do, like dancing, cuddling, fighting, whatever. I’d pay good money for kinky Sims.I build these huge communities, complicated families, come up with names and biographies, I’ve got straight Sims, gay Sims, poly Sims, one girl-to-boy TG Sim (although nobody knows this about her *g*), but their actions are so vanilla. Oh, the boring vanilla lives of artificial people.

Why isn’t there a “prostitution” carreer track? I know that demanding a pro-spankee carreer is pushing it, because most people haven’t heard of us, but escorts are everywhere. Why not in the Sims? (I bet I know why. I bet it’s because selling sex is illegal in the States. Well, that justifies having pro-spankees, then, or at least pro-dommes, seeing as they are more prevalent in the public psyche.)

I want somebody to make a new game. I even have a name for it: “UnwholeSims”. Pretty cool, no?

Spanking Producers of Very Little Brain

Perhaps, some readers would expect me to be a cheerleader for the industry, but I can’t help being an opinionated brat. (And I won’t let anybody punish me for this, either: as far as I’m concerned, it’s a great personality trait. Besides, I don’t really feel like part of the industry yet, having only experienced life in its one tiny corner.)

Thus, let me confirm what you might have noticed before: a lot of spanking films are really bad. Mostly, these are the ones that are made by big-budget vanilla pornsters looking to branch out; those guys don’t quite understand how to make a spanko go “Ooooooh.”

Dear producers of spanking films, when you’re not into spanking yourselves, here are a few things you should bear in mind:

- Make your fucking doms take off their fucking jeans and put some decent trousers on when they’re supposed to be teaching a class or taking detention. An academic gown *may* be a lot to ask for, but honestly: a teacher in jeans?

- If your dom doesn’t know what to say in response to a bratty girl’s comment, for God’s sake, do another take. Nothing breaks the mood more surely than an umming and aaaahhhing disciplinarian.

- And actually, why not walk through the scene before filming it in the first place? It takes all of five minutes, because you don’t have to do the spanking as well.

- Effective disciplinarians don’t shout.

- While we’re on the subject of doms: please hire some hot ones. Of course, good-looking male models want paying, and smaller companies will simply go bust if they pay the men. But when you’re a large company, there’s no excuse to leave the spanking to the same middle-aged creep with a declasse accent and zero screen presence.

- If your actors can’t cope with improvisation, do them a kindness and give them a script; even a basic one will do.

- However, I have to concede that a lot of people with decent improvisation skills sound pretty stilted with a script. In this case, stop telling your actors what to say; (Yes, I’m quite contrary, aren’t I? Well, making good porn takes intuition.)

- Develop some intuition!

- There is absolutely no need to have schoolgirls take all their clothes off. None. It bugs the hell out of people with the authentic school kink – and those who don’t have it don’t care that the girl was dressed in a school uniform in the first place. There’s space for everything: do some films with nudity if your viewers want them. But please, stop stripping schoolgirls naked for no good reason.

- Most spankos don’t actually care for extreme anatomical close-ups of girls’ genitalia. You know, those bottoms that they like seeing smacked? When during a spanking you zoom on the labia, leaving the spanking action completely off-screen, you’re wasting the content that’s the whole *point* of your site. Get a clue.

- Your best shot would be to hire a spanko director, and give her full creative freedom.

- There is a special place in hell saved for webmasters who in the description on their sites use language that’s derogatory to the models. Nobody consents to her image being used next to a slogan “teach this bitch a lesson”, or similar. Don’t do this. Seriously.

- A smaller, but still hot place in hell is reserved for people who allow rampant spelling mistakes in their descriptions, with particularly scorchy frying pans for the misspellers of models’ names.

Not pointing fingers here, or anything, but sapienti sat.

On The Subject Of Limits

And I’m talking about psychological limits here as much as what you will or won’t be hit with.

I know a girl whose rigid, absolute limit is that she will never play any “spanked for smoking” scenes. Her aversion to smoking is so strong that she won’t associate herself with somebody who’d do it even in a fantasy. Another girl won’t play “wife caught overspending on credit-cards” – bad memories of student debt, I guess; she’s very responsible. And it’s all OK, you know. Just as much OK as my hang-up about playing a shoplifter (or any type of petty thief – burglaries or, say, bank robberies are fine). Or in fact my reluctance to work with vanilla girls who do spanking stuff for money only. It’s hard to avoid, unless Northern Spanking (who have every respect for limits) remain the only people I work for, but it’s still fine. Limits are OK. I wish it was possible to drum it into some people’s heads. Limits are personal, and they are *fine*.

I don’t smoke either, incidentally, and never would, but I don’t mind being spanked for holding a cigarette. As long as it’s not lit and stinking at me, in which case I become very ill.

So, what are the big things I won’t do on camera?

The simple answer is, I won’t do anything that I don’t feel is hot to some degree. I’ve ventured into this carreer to get my pervy kicks; money is nice, particularly in as much as it makes me hot to be paid for doing spanking modelling, but my biggest consideration is pervy kicks.

I won’t do anything to do with sex. I don’t care much about sex on the whole. Things that are sexy to many (most?) women are jaw-achingly boring to me. Spanking is sensual or psycho-erotic for me rather than sexual, so I just stick to spanking. Vanilla porn sends me to sleep. I love reading about how vanilla porn industry works, but the sex itself doesn’t really appeal.

I won’t model with my breasts exposed. They are very large breasts, and I’ve been told that I could make heaps of money and millions of fans just for taking my bra off, but I’m too shy to do it.

I won’t be hit anywhere other than my bottom, hands and (in exceptional circumstances) the backs of my thighs. I’m curious about feet, but I’ve never tried it properly, and it would have to be justified by the plot. In my private play I like to have my face slapped (by prior arrangement), but I wear braces right now, so I have to be careful of them. Anywhere else is just out.
(more…)