White Cotton Panties

I’ve just realised the whole of last week went by without a picture post. So sorry, munchkins! Here’s evidence that a belt works just as well on the panties as it does on the bare bottom.

Research Your Porn

Normally I’m quite good at suspending disbelief when I’m reading spanking stories. It needs a lot of suspension, but I’m willing to go there. Yet, there are some things that are just too ridiculous to let go.

For instance, I was browsing through the “Nexus” series in a bookshop, and started reading something called “The Book of Punishment”. The prose was nice, so, unlike usually, I read past the first page, and even past the prologue, straight into the first chapter.

Where I found a character who is a pro-dom in London. He makes his living spanking women. They pay him, consistently and devotedly, because they are desperate housewives, and he’s a darling of the London scene. In the very first scene in which we meet him he spanks a plump  middle-aged woman, who regularly forks over part of her income just so that he could indulge her otherwise unsatisfied craving. He’s just that good.

If you are in the UK scene – indeed, even if you’re just skirting its edges – you’re probably laughing your ass off right now. Because there’s a rule established by life itself, something that everybody who has spent any time in the scene (including the online scene), finds out very early on: women do not need to pay men to be spanked. Sure, they may do that if they want to. Say, it turns them on to be spanked by somebody they paid. Or they have a very specific scene in mind. Or the top doubles up with a particularly desirable dominatrix. Or whatever.

But the rule of thumb is that if a woman wants a man to spank her – and she doesn’t require a relationship to go with her play – she can usually get what she wants. It doesn’t matter how old she is, what she looks like, what her marital status is, what she does for a job, whether she has a brain, whether she has a personality, whether she was even born a woman – it just doesn’t matter. Women do not need to pay men. Pro-doms spank men, and maybe an occasional woman who happens by.

I just couldn’t suspend my disbelief far enough, I’m afraid. I don’t know why this should have been a stumbling block – Heaven knows, a lot of implausible stuff happens in erotica. But this idea that enough women in London can get spanked for free that a guy can get a living as a M/F pro-dom, threw me right out of the text. At first I couldn’t figure out why I minded, but then I knew: this uber-dom, flying in the face of kinky demographics, smells so much of a male Mary Sue that it renders the book laughable.

It’s widely known that a lot of male writers of erotica in general and Nexus books in particular write under female names for the sake of sales. Sometimes you can tell, sometimes you can’t. I wonder if I’ve just found one of those fake women. (I’m not saying it matters if the author is a man, but it’s kind of funny if that’s true.)

There are a couple of other annoying things in that book, such as a Russian prostitute Natasha (the author is not indulging in ethnic stereotyping, honest) who goes from London to Moscow to earn some money by walking the streets (because we all know that punters in Moscow are likely to be so much richer than those in England). The few paragraphs where she recounts her adventures make it obvious that the author hasn’t researched Moscow very much. That would probably have been fine with me were I not already ticked off. Before the first chapter was over, I found myself putting the book back onto the shelf and moving on.

I’m a bit miffed that “The Book of Punishment” hasn’t lived up to the promise of its nice prose and intriguing title, but strangely, printed porn is rarely anything but disappointing.

What the Net dragged in – 6

Search engine hits have been very ordinary recently, but I’ve finally assembled enough amusing stuff to justify posting to my favourite category.

Yeah. I’m easily amused, I’ll admit it.

office party spanking gets wife in trouble – Eh? She gets into trouble for being spanked at an office party? What’s wrong with that?

mum smacked my bottom alot – And if you’d used correct spelling, you might have got more results.

young ladies benefit from paddling – Yep, all that rowing is really good for you! Excellent exercise.
spanking out loud – As opposed to spanking *mentally*?

the tawse really hurts – No joke, munchkin, it really does. Particularly on the hands. Yum. (Note to self: write a post about my encounter with an actual teacher who used to use actual tawses.)

Shagging Pixel People

A while ago, in my post Spanking Pixel People I complained that there was no spanking action in the Sims. And what do I find surfing the web today?

Apparently, there’s a new game about to come out called Naughty America, wherein there’s a sex option. That is, where the Sims get under the covers and wriggle a lot, the characters in this new game don’t have any covers on their beds. They just have sex.

The only downside to this wealth of pixel pornography is that it seems to be an online multiplayer RPG, so in order to make the funny little figures jump into bed you need to:

a) identify with one of them
b) find another character you want your character to jump into bed with

Is it illustrated cybering, or what?
If there’s a version where you can create several cartoon people and make them screw each other, rather than becoming a cartoon person myself, I might just have a go.

(Naughty America, though? Is the rest of the world not supposed to participate, or something?)

Ask Bailey a Question

I have decided to have a go at interviewing people here on the blog. My first victim is going to be the adorable Bailey, who models for the Real Spankings empire. (Here is a picture of her OTK, looking distressed.)

I’ve already got lots of questions to ask her, but I thought that you folks might have questions as well.

Of course, we can’t expect the poor girl to answer millions of questions, so we’ve come up with a competition: you send in your questions, and two of the best questions get answered in the interview.

How do we decide? Well, I will select one, and Bailey herself will select another. Seems quite fair.

Send your question to askbailey@adelehaze.com by the end of Sunday (May 28, 2006) to have a go. (After that the address will self-destroy in a puff of smoke.) Please sign the letter with the name under which you want to be acknowledged.

It’s possible that your question will match one that I’ve already got on my list – in which case, no offence, but we’ll select somebody else’s. You’ll still get your answer, but you won’t be the winner.