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Spanking Over Jeans and On the Bare
One of you guys wanted some pictures of spanking over jeans. I’m sorry, I can’t remember who you were. *sigh* Nor do I have any new pictures of me being spanked over jeans. (Frankly, Mr Haze rarely bothers with layers, and usually goes straight for the bare skin.)
But here’s a girl who was lucky enough to keep them on for a while:
…Not that her luck lasted for very long…
…or helped her much.
(The pictures come from this free spanking gallery)
Professor Lupin, You Devil!
Browsing through the shortlist of this year’s Bad Sex Award, I was highly traumatised entertained by some seriously bad BDSM in a novel by David Thewlis (yes, that Thewlis, Remus Lupin in the Harry Potter films), called “The Late Hector Kipling”.
This is not pleasurable. How could anyone find having burning hot candle wax dripped onto the flesh of their belly pleasurable? But I don’t want to tell her to stop cos the last time I told her to stop I got belted in the mouth. She wears an average of three rings on each finger. God, Mum was right, this lousy settee does stink. No wonder Dad’s in hospital. I might well be joining him by the end of the night.
I think I’m still inside her but, quite honestly, it’s difficult to tell …
Avanti!
“You fucker!” she drawls, and brings the flame up close to my left nipple. “You pathetic little fucker,” and tries to light it like a wick.
“Ooowwww!” Oh shit, my nipple’s on fire. She’s poured lighter fluid onto my chest and my tit’s gone up in flames like some dessert in a posh restaurant.
“Fuck, Rosa! Aggghhhh! For fuck’s sake! Blow it out! Blow it out!”
“OK, baby,” she whispers, suddenly gentle, “OK, my angel,” and with this she reaches down and pours half a can of Stella over my scorched chest. I’m beginning to regret that I ever invited her in. “How’s that?” she says, lowering her head and lapping up the ale. “That nice? That nice, baby?”
“No!” I scream.
“No?”
“No, Rosa, no that is not fucking nice! It bloody kills!”
She cracks me across the face with the back of her hand, grips my throat, spits in my eye and scrapes her nails across my scalded flesh. And that’s when I come. Oh yes. That’s when the core of my soul spasms and snaps, spilling out its filthy pips.
Bad sex this may be, but it’s bloody good comedy as far as I’m concerned.
I leafed through the novel when it first came out, and wasn’t too taken with the writing, so I’m quite glad the Guardian printed the sex bit. Otherwise I would never have had the image of somebody’s nipple on fire imprinted onto my brain.
Or the image of somebody shooting apple pips out of their willy.
That would have been quite a loss, right?
Britney Spears and her kinky sex room?
Although I should probably wait to see if she sues the paper that’s reporting this, but there are rumours bouncing around that Britney never hung up that Catholic schoolgirl uniform:
The tabloid alleges that the … mansion is equipped with a double-locked, X-rated “Fantasy Room” filled with ticklers, whips and fur-trimmed handcuffs hanging from the metal bedframe…
The second-floor room also features a mirrored ceiling, a glass jar containing spanking paddles and a closet full of kinky outfits, according to an “insider” who stumbled into the den of sin.
“She wears Catholic schoolgirl uniforms, a maid’s uniform and a Cinderella outfit,” claims the mole.
That’s a nice-sounding playroom, but dude… she keeps her paddles in a jar?
“Hit me baby one more time”, huh? I’m sure there are lots of people who’d like to.
Hentai Girls Up to No Good
I’m having a really geeky moment here, because I find this picture almost unbearably sexy. It’s the contrast between the fully dressed girl (a brunette, and therefore the vamp, we’re like that :/) and the naked, tied up beauty (innocent in her blondness).
The bondage throne is also not half-bad.
(The image comes from this free hentai f/f gallery…)
Don’t bother looking at the gallery if you aren’t attracted to cartoon girls.
Spanking on ‘Dexter’
In contrast to the clueless “Californication” guy from last week, Special Agent Lundy from ‘Dexter’ knows exactly how to bring up spanking with his potential girlfriend.
Note that Deb also knows that, when your date suggests something you like (ahem, smacking your bottom) it isn’t time to be coy or shy or any of that traditional ladylike virginal rubbish. You’ve got to show him you’re interested.
P.S. I quite like it with French subtitles. If I had enough subtitled spanking videos, maybe my French wouldn’t be in the pathetic state that it is…
Pink Cane Stripes
Aaah, it’s finally Friday. Have a picture of my caned bare bottom to celebrate.
Holey Paddle Meets Holy Hand
The comments on the Jesus Spanking post have been so astonishingly irreverent and amusing that even today’s hours of IT struggles didn’t seem quite so bad.
However, I feel the need to give out an award for the funniest comment, which goes to…
*drum roll*
…Tigerbutt, who mused: “A paddle with holes hurts more, I wonder about a hand with holes.”
Rock on, Tiggs. :)
Jesus, that spanking hurts
Well, if Jesus is doing it, spanking must be a good thing, right?
Would this be a good time to mention that when, as a child, I first developed my master/apprentice fantasies, I thought that the relationship between Jesus and the apostles sounded extremely promising?
I didn’t get as far as actually writing any “Jesus spanks John and Andrew” fanfiction, but there were fantasies, yes.
I’ll have that “Adele is going to hell” T-shirt for Christmas, thanks.
(The picture came by email from Niki.)
State-funded phone sex line
Yesterday I heard a joke that shouldn’t work for me, given its juvenile character, but it did.
The comedian Jimmy Carr recommends that UK males who can’t afford to call real phone sex lines should use the medical advice line NHS Direct.
Why?
Because it’s free, they are all dressed in nurses’ uniforms, and they are professionally obliged to listen to you talk about your swellings.
The man is in touch with fetish fashion. That’s commendable, I think.
More Spanking on Californication
The spanking saga on “Californication” continues, as the secretary-spanking guy tries to bring the whole BDSM idea home, into his marital bed.
A great example of how you should not introduce the idea of spanking to your vanilla wife.
Aww, poor ugly TV dude. Get David Duchovny to come along and show her how nice spanking can be, then she’ll be hooked.
