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Misc Perversions — By Adele on 27 September, 2006 11:41 pmSo, this afternoon I have a minute between having to be in one university thing and another, and I’m sitting on a bench in town, listening to an audio book. “The Amulet of Samarcand”; it’s really good. The characters are discussing pentacles, and summoning demons, and such.
And suddenly I realise that I am, in fact, in a churchyard. Listening to a book about demons. In a churchyard. Woohoo, here comes the lightning.
I wondered about the priest I could just see through the door of the church, and whether he would think such disrespectful attitude merited a spanking at all. Would I have to bend over the back of the pew, with my palms on the seat? Or would he make me kneel in front of the altar?
I don’t think my train of thought is getting any safer here; I’d better shut up.
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13 Comments
Oh, don’t stop there! After all, they do say that confession is good for the soul.
I’ve shagged in a church, many times. Never been whipped in one…
*adds to do list*
I shall have to see what I can arrange, Miss. Blake. ;)
I’ve been caned, bare-bottomed, in a church – with the holy candle snuffer. And I’ve never been struck by—- AAARRRGGGHHHH!!
Brings a new meaning to “Bible Thumping”.
I much wonder how the hell you find time to do any studying, with all that spanking and filming, blog to make, blogs to read, forums to attend…
-
Still I will just mention that an artist colleague nearby bought a house that has – this is true no kidding – a catholic nuns’ convent church in the garden. A priest annonced it no longer a house of God, but still, there it is, with altar and all equipment. Even God cant tell the difference.
Just tell me the day you want to come to be birched by nuns in there, and I will set it up. Provided I get the exclusive photo rights of course. You know for what. (I am expecting nuns’ outfits from a manufacturer in the USA soon.)
I’m not kidding Adele. I’ll get you there with a Ryan Air fare.
The church, small and wooden as it is, has benches for all your friends and fans too, but they will have to buy their own fares.
Destination Oslo.
For the experience, you can do it if you want.
Lancs – you reckon a confession booth would be safe, because God won’t want to hit the priest as well? ;)
Pandora and Niki – you girls are very bad, you should be
Graeme – LOL Yeah! I wouldn’t want to get thumpted with a Bible, though. Out of general respect for any book, rather than out of any religious feelings, but still :)
Cul – finding the time is easy, the term only starts on Monday ;) I don’t think I’ll be flying off to Oslo, exciting though this ex-church sounds!
Adele – I’ve been whacked with a book before. A4 hardback ones work best. It’s unremittingly silly :)
That’s worse than shagging in a church!! (Though I could make an exception to being whacked with a tome from Collected Works of Lenin. I’m not too sentimental about those.)
That reminds me of the crack I made about the Vicar coming to tea this week – I’d love to do it in a church – ALL of it!! But the Raven won’t go in one! Hah! I’ll just keep that as a fantasy for now and hope that you post pics if/when you get around to enacting this!!
From what I have seen of priests, Adele, they’d be the principal target.
*giggle* Has anybody seen a Mitchell and Webb sketch last week about “twisted and horrible people who are still unaccountably vicars” (or some such phrase)? The character in it seemed exactly the sort of vicar to approve of scourging ;)
Are you sure it wasn’t an episode of Panorama? ;)