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Holey Paddle Meets Holy Hand
The comments on the Jesus Spanking post have been so astonishingly irreverent and amusing that even today’s hours of IT struggles didn’t seem quite so bad.
However, I feel the need to give out an award for the funniest comment, which goes to…
*drum roll*
…Tigerbutt, who mused: “A paddle with holes hurts more, I wonder about a hand with holes.”
Rock on, Tiggs. :)
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19 Responses to “Holey Paddle Meets Holy Hand”
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(clapping) Yes, that was brilliant! :-)
You know, that whole getting-sick-because-you’re-bad theory makes no damn sense. For some of us, if we got sick every time we misbehaved, we’d spend our lives in a perpetual fever.
And if illness means Jesus is spanking us, how come we get sore throats, not sore behinds?
Also, anyone who swings a stick at a beehive shouldn’t be spanked — they should be institutionalized!
As you can see, I’m no longer speechless.
From what little I know of ancient history/archaeology, crucifixion nails would have been hammered through the wrist bone, rather than the hand. Death by crucifixion was effectively slow dehydration and normally took several days, so the prisoner had to be fastened fairly securely.
However, Roman soldiers were under strict orders to respect the religious customs of occupied territories, and no executions could take place – or continue into – the Jewish Sabbath. So, if you were done on a Friday, things would be speeded up a bit by breaking your legs, or stabbing you with swords and such like. (Or by flogging you half to death beforehand.)
I guess if you were only going to be up for a couple of hours, then nails through the palms of the hands may have sufficed, but I doubt it.
Yeah, Steve, and schoolmasters don’t *really* spank schoolgirls, but does this interfere with anybody’s fantasies? ;)
Thanks Adele! Do I have to travel to Britain to pick up my winning T-shirt?
BTW…You only have to travel to “Red state” Amerika to find authentic spanked school girls.
Make sure you bring your bible and Jerry Falwell sticker, though, they don’t call it the bible-belt for nuthin’.
“Also, anyone who swings a stick at a beehive shouldn’t be spanked — they should be institutionalized!” – Exactly, Erica. Everyone knows the correct technique is to stab at the hive with a fork. Happy Thanksgiving :)
You don’t need to run very far from the bees if you have a red Volkswagen.
(My sympathies to anyone who gets that obscure reference.)
Niki, A widdle wed wolkswagon? WOW! Youw wucky I wasn’t wippin’ yew, ew ewe would ‘ave swept bettew! Tanks few da sympathies!
Once a swarm of bees came over my washing line (I was out hanging my nderwear up to wind up the neighbours). When I noticed them (you can hear them it is like a plane flying in low!), I slowly moved indoors. I did not even get stung…why? because I was no threat to them….I did not wish to harm them and most creatures can in some way sense this I believe
I do hope Tigerbutt ignores the critics of his sick humour – it was a good joke and there should be no stigma attached….
Leia-Ann, is the implication of what you’re saying that everyone who has ever stung your behind perceived you as a threat? Maybe you do only have yourself to blame after all.
L.
Erica – there was a fan looking for you on the “Erica Scott and the Birthday Cake” thread; I’ve got his email address if you want it :)
Leia – just as long as you weren’t covered in sugar syrup to wind up the neighbours as well, seems to me like you were indeed fine!
Lancs – if it a girl’s fault that somebody is so insecure they see her as a threat, and feel the need to smack her for it? Honestly…
You may have a point, Adele.
However one should also remember the axioms: that one is better safe than sorry; that the best form of defence is attack; that the best form of attack is surprise; that prevention is better than cure and that one should not spoil the ship for a ha’pworth of tar.
Ergo, I advocate a policy of sneaking up behind Leia-Ann, putting her over one’s knee before she is even aware one of one’s presence and spanking her thoroughly. Just in case.
Maxims, not axioms. Darned illness fuddlin’ me brain….
“I do hope Tigerbutt ignores the critics of his sick humour – it was a good joke and there should be no stigma attached….”
Or should that be stigmata?
You’re probably right about MOST creatures Leia-Ann, including bees, but you have to be careful. To quote Saxondale: “Wasps are bastards.”
I used to have holes everywhere. It was a bitch on a cold day.
I found a girl who filled in the missing parts.
Now I am whole.
Still a f-ing pervert, but at least I don’t whistle in a high wind anymore.
That’s poetic, Bob. Love it.
Bob: That is lovely! and very cool.
Bob: You lucky bastard!
Thanks all. Things are going so well I fear the future. But for the time being, we are doing a Catholic schoolgirl and Master spanking session this weekend with friends. OMG she keeps asking for more and making me happier and happier. But the whistling wind is gone and that’s really good in any case.