I was with him when he had his stroke. I was still in university when he had it. After going out on the previous night, it was only a bit of luck (or Fate or whatever you may call it) that I was up and dressed at that time on a Friday morning.

We (my mother, sister and myself) were sure we were going to lose him. I remember thinking while driving to the hospital that it would be the final time I’d see him alive. I had my time to say my peace to him. He survived, but it was very close for a few weeks. During that time, I also lost my last surviving grandfather.

I was in Finals time at university at the time my dad was sick. I thought I couldn’t go on, but, somehow, I found solace in my studies.

I hope you find it wherever and in whatever you may.

I lost my father-in-law about 2 years ago and it still hurts (he in many ways was better to me than my own father).

I know it sounds trite but it does get easier.

Best Wishes
Gary

But blogs can be demanding chores when overlaid on the pattern of normal life and you must take your own good time before you come back on stream. That’s important. We, your virtual playmates, can wait !

Peter

Hugs and love to you and Mr. Haze. We’ll be in touch.

I’m so sorry to hear about you father’s death. I’ve lost my mother a few weeks ago and I know that this will affect and maybe change my life forever. My kink isn’t gone, but I’m totally burned-out, having tried to manage my mother’s estate during the recent weeks and still trying to understand what having lost her really means. All I know is that she was my closest confidant (for example I read my mails to Ludwig to her when we started our correspondence), that she has shaped me a lot and that she will be a part of me forever. No one can ever take her spot. I’m very thankful for the time we had and for everything she has done for me. And I’m very grateful that I had the chance to hold her hand in her last hours and to give back a little bit by telling her that I’m at her side and that she can let loose. But at the moment, I’m just seeking a time to rest and being hold tightly.

Please allow yourself to just be and to take the time you need to grieve, think, feel and heal! Don’t set yourself under pressure. You have the ability to express yourself so clearly and openly – I’m sure that this will make it much easier for your family and friends to understand what you need right now (even if you are not completely sure what it is exactly) and to deal with your different reactions.

In case you like to talk to someone who is in a situation very similar to yours – you’re always very welcome to contact me!

Consider yourself warmly hugged!

Yours,
Kaelah

As you know, I lost my father last year. I never wrote about it on my blog – as a matter of fact, I think this is the first time that I’ve ever mentioned it publicly. I guess I tend to keep “Ludwig’s life” and “my other (normal, vanilla) life” more separate than most of us. Which isn’t better or worse, it’s just my own way of doing things.

Anyway, the point I want to make is: yes, you are right. You don’t know what grief is until you’ve experienced it like that. Study books and fiction are one thing, life is another entirely. And it’s hard, in these first few weeks and months, to feel that things will ever get better again – that your grief will pass, that life will go on, without the person you loved, and that you can find true happiness again. Again, you may know that this is possible from books or from the stories of others – but it’s hard to actually feel it when your grief is as fresh as that.

But trust me: things do get better. You can and will be happy again (very probably even kinky again!). No, the pain never totally goes away. It’s still with me after over a year, it’s still fresh in a way, and I believe it will always be there. The loss of a parent leaves a hole that can never be filled again. But you can live on with that hole, you can make your peace with it, and you can find happiness in spite of it.

So, these are the best words I can offer for now, spontaneously. As for your kink: we all react differently to grief. Some people totally lose their sex drive / their kink for a while, others actually experience a heightened drive, and they use it to find some enjoyment and distraction. Both are natural reactions, and both are okay or “appropriate” in their own way, if you will. I wouldn’t worry about it too much!

Neither would I worry about not being able to respond “in ways [people] expect me to”. Again, we all have our own way to deal with our grief, so there is no expected way here. It’s not about what is expected, it’s about what works for you and what is good for you. That is what matters. Eventually, you’ll find something that works. And yes, I believe that a bit of selfishness can be necessary, and entirely legitimate, when you are in a period of grief. So think about yourself first, and about the others later. You have great friends and loved ones to support you, they’ll be okay with it.

Love and strength, Adele! You are in my thoughts.

Your friend,

Ludwig

I’m sure your interest in other things WILL come back, but it is true that it may be a very long haul.

I would recommend (if you are looking for something to read) CS Lewis’ “A grief observed”. I don’t know whether you would be likely to read his work, but I can assure you it is not a sort of facile “Christian’s easy answer” but an exploration of a time when even Christianity didn’t seem to help at the loss of his wife.

I don’t follow your blog as regularly as I did at one time, but I still catch up from time to time, and hope to see signs that you are getting through this difficult time.

Ernest

Jimi