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A3 LicListWhy I haven’t blogged about the Mosley case
Scenology — By Adele on 24 July, 2008 11:16 pmMy frequent readers may have noticed that ever since the Mosley scandal broke out several months ago, I’ve chosen not to write about it, other than a few comments here and there.
The reason behind this is very personal and, perhaps, not a great excuse in the eyes of those of you who’ve written to me to demand that I state a public opinion. I’ve stayed silent because the whole affair has left me numb with anger. Not the helpful sort of anger, which pushes you to fight injustices, steal from the rich and keep it to yourself etc, but the soggy smog of disappointment: blinding, crushing and ultimately useless.
Enough metaphors, though: let me explain.
I entered the scene very young, and did all of my mental growing up as a part of what’s always felt to me like a benevolent, friendly world of kinky humans. The most important aspect of our existence in the scene was trust: without it, the kink is nothing.
In the small corner of the scene where we models and pro-spankees live and interact with the people who like to engage our services, the emphasis on discretion and honour is arguably even greater than in the scene at large. Not only are we handing each other the power over our physical shells, but we are dealing with other people’s financial, professional and personal well-being.
It’s important to take care, of course: the world isn’t kind to the naive. That said, while being reasonably careful about whom I invite into my life, I have built rewarding relationships with my fellow professionals and non-pro friends. The scene was a good place to be a young kinkster and a model.
This is why it was such a blow to me that the betrayal of my colleagues (and Max, their client) came not from a mustachioed spy creeping into a dodgy spanking party, but a woman they considered one of their own. This alone was hard to take in, and I still struggle to understand what has to go through the mind of a woman who throws away all relationships, connections and friendships in the scene, gleefully pushing five people off the cliff.
And this wasn’t all, because the betrayals kept coming. Somebody set the Mail on Lucy & Paul, who had no more to do with the case than being prominent figures in the spanking scene, and convenient for the hacks to blackmail. Another somebody (or several of them) filled in the biographic details of the girls involved to the papers, in enough detail that the helpful alphabetical masquarade and the shading of faces in print looks like mockery. My safe, benevolent scene looks to be full of the sort of individuals who will spill other people’s intimate secrets without a backward glance.
I couldn’t begin to equate my distress to the daily anguish suffered by the girls and Max. I’m safe and well here behind my computer screeen. And yet, the profound disappointment in my scene is looking to haunt me for a long time. I don’t see being able to walk into a spanking party without guessing who is going to betray everybody present – and I foresee people treating me with the same mistrust, for wasn’t it a spanking model who sold out to the papers in the first place?
Max Mosley won the case, and that’s a positive thing for us in the scene, but the damage has been done. Paul Kennedy has held on to his honour, but not his job – and yet, traitors keep the money, papers get sold no matter with what poison they soak their pages.
My capacity for trust, the base upon which I’d built my scene identity, is crack’d from side to side. It will take more than a favourable judicial decision to fix it. I’m self-healing as much as I know how. I guess, forcing myself to write about my issues here is part of the process. I know that otherwise, I’m no good as a writer – and particularly not as a friend.
Goodnight, my kind, benevolent scene. I remain always yours – Adele Haze, a “prostitute” and a deviant consumer of tea.
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26 Comments
It’s always a shock to be betrayed by someone you love or when a community is betrayed by someone trusted.
The only thing we can really do is to keep going to parties, keep trusting each other and not let it cause us to stop trusting each other
(easier said than done, I know -_-)
Anyway, I hope you feel better about this Adele,
it is a sad time for all =(
sincerely,
phoenix
This is why traitors throughout history have always been executed in the most horrendous ways imaginable.
Well said Adele, couldn’t agree more. *hugs*
Laura
x
I guess, Adele, that this is a painful awakening to the fact that there will be a few corrupt and two-faced individuals in absolutely every situation in life that you find yourself in.
At the end of the day, only your own instincts can tell you who your true friends are. You have to learn to trust those instincts.
Big Hug. Hope you feel better soon, Adele. x
We understand how you feel, and indeed many in the scene have similar feelings right now. We don’t know if this will make you feel any more at ease, but Woman E was NOT a spanking model, nor was she an active part of our scene as it were. She was a professional BDSM Mistress, where I understand her interest largely started and stopped with paying clients. That being said, Miss A trusted her implicitly and she betrayed her closest friend. That is never going to be acceptable under any circumstances. But I do want to reassure people that parties and such are as safe as they have always been. We should not be worrying about one bad apple, whether part of our community or not. We should be celebrating the five good apples in Max and the four girls who fought for what they believed was right, despite great personal trauma for each of them.
A deviant consumer of tea?
Pu-erh, missus!
Paul and Lucy comment mirrors my experience. I have dealt with Dom’s from California to Florida and a number of places in between. The ones who are into spanking seem to have more of respect for the social contract. I have had bad experience with the Dominants who were more into BDSM. With the BDSM Dom’s I was there for their pleasure. What I wanted out of the scene really didn’t matter. Back in the days of tape answering machines I had two BDSM doms leave me messages that it was time for me to get another spanking and on both occasions I barely missed having some one hear it.
Thanks for this very personal post, Adele. You are of course right to be very angry, and I hope that talking about it openly is a good step towards healing. It’s always hard to understand why a person would behave so unethically and hurtfully. I can’t believe that such people have lives any of us would want to live. It’s best to move on and to leave them in their misery, so much of it self-inflicted.
Well said, Paul & Lucy.
Paul and Lucy are right in pointing out that we have to look carefully at what happened, and what didn’t.
“Woman E” was a professional mistress and apparently not a bona fide member of the scene. In my experience (which is based on the German scene, but I don’t expect things to be fundamentally different in the UK), you basically have two kinds of people among the ProDommes: you have those who are genuinly kinky and in it mostly for the fun and fulfillment. And then you have those who are not genuinly kinky and who are in it only for the money.
Unfortunately, it’s not a real surprise to find unsavory people among the second kind of ProDomme, the one with the mercenary “I’m in it for the money” mentality, and presumably without close personal friends in the scene. It’s simply another lesson in “Be very careful about who you trust, especially if they seem to be after money more than anything else…”
As for how the gutter press got to Paul and Lucy, I obviously don’t know the details of that, I don’t know if Paul and Lucy know them, and it’s certainly not my place to speculate about that. I can only say that, for all I know, the gutter press have a variety of dirty tricks for getting the information they want, and they don’t necessarily need a traitor for that. I have no idea how they did it. All I’m saying is, we shouldn’t jump to conclusions.
The same is true for the biographical details about the four girls. Yes, they could have been filled in by a malicious person. Or by someone who was just plain dumb and duped into doing it. Or the details could have been acquired by other means entirely. Quite a bit of it seems to be on the net, anyway, in blogs and forums etc. And if you’re a gutter journalist and trained in this sordid line of “work”, you’ll be good at trawling for info and adding two and two together.
Again, it’s none of my business to speculate about it, and it would be pretty useless, too, because it doesn’t change what happaned. But it’s another reminder that, perhaps, we should be a little more careful about what personal traces we leave on the net, and about what we reveal about ourselves to people we don’t really know.
On the other hand, I see no reason to get totally paranoid. Wait a minute, I am totally paranoid by nature… It’s fun! But seriously: I have my friends in the scene, who I *do* know, and I trust them completely. I trust their judgment, so I also trust *their* friends. And they trust me. And by and large, the people in our scene are good guys and gals, a few bad apples notwithstanding.
Nothing of that has changed, and I’m certainly not going to change my view of the scene because of the tabloid hacks. It’s the same as always: trust your instincts, trust your friends, and be a litte bit careful with everybody else.
I suppose it’s a bit like the threat of terrorism. And when you come to think about it, that is a good anaology for the tabloid press. We should be smart and watchful and do what we can to prevent their attacks. On the other hand, we shouldn’t get hysterical. We shouldn’t throw away all our freedoms and our fun in life for the illusion of “perfect safety”.
Anyway, that is my two cents for what they’re worth. We should be angry, but not to the point where we lose the fun and the enjoyment and the reasons for why we came into the scene in the first place. If Paul and Lucy can still remain upbeat and determined under the circumstances, which is admirable and a great inspiration, then so can all of us.
NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU PUT SUCH A BITTER PHOTOGRAPH OF YOURSELF ON YOUR REDESIGNED PAGE
Brilliant write up Adele and once again in your own inimitable style that I have always admired as an aspiring Dolly Austen lol!!
I have had my own celebration rant and rave in my blog today (even though I said i wouldn’t cover this article), but sometimes it’s hard to hold in the F words and far easier to write 100 lines more productively..(having had many spankings for that in the past i’m learning at last!!)
loves ya and your site
Emma
x
I can’t agree that Mosley won. I will say that the defeat was not as bad as it could have been. The judge ruled that the damage to Mosely was incalculable. Then saying that because the damage to Mosley was so large that assinging damages would be meaningless.
I am willing to bet that this tabloid made a lot more than they lossed. The only good thing maybe was couple of lines in the judgement that perhaps blackmail had been used to get the information. Now if we can get some people prosucuted for that then I can say there is a victory.
Mosley has now apparently launched legal proceedings for libel against the NOTW. As I understand it, libel is quite difficult to prove under British Law, but he may have a good case in view of this first judgement.
‘As I understand it, libel is quite difficult to prove under British Law’
Not so much. If MM sues the NotW for libel, the onus will rest on the ‘paper’ to prove the truth of their claims. Since Justice Eady has already held that the nazi claims were untrue, this will be quite an uphill struggle for Mr Murdoch’s vile lackies.
The only other issues are whether the defamatory claims fall within one of the permitted exceptions (fair comment, in rixa (heat of anger) etc – none of which seem to fit this case – and the extent to which MM’s reputation was damaged.
I’m afraid our cheering may be a little premature. The former Archbishop of York has challenged the judge’s wholly neutral view of the sexual activity in the case. Dr Carey believes the law should express its abhorrence of what he regards as evil and immoral practices, and sees he judgement as a blow against the freedom of the press. If NotW appeal the story will run and run, and I would expect a media campaign for rolling back the moral climate, even if not the law, to where it was fifty years ago.
“Mr Mosley also revealed he intends to donate a “significant amount” to a legal fund to enable the man in the street to start privacy actions against newspapers for alleged breaches of privacy.”
Sunday Telegraph 27 Jul 08
Good work Adele. I’ve reprimanded some others who would fall to Woman E’s level in their attempts to reveal her identity at all costs. If that kind of ‘witch hunt’ starts, scene trust, which you and I hold so precious, could be tainted for years.
Rx
When the story first broke, this interesting POV appeared in The New York Times:
“To my critics: A psychiatrist I get paid the big bucks because I’m essentially a tour guide to the unresolved conflicts of the unconscious life screwing up the patient’s life.
“One reason sex is such a bore to most people in these times is it’s become detached from the imaginative life. Men and women sneak off for sado-masochistic experiences to connect with their inner lives. Our primary sex organ, dear friends, is the brain with the genitals merely its appendages.
“To grasp the global breath of interest of men and women in sado-masochism see www dot alt dot com. The new British movie “The Bank Job” integrates this theme in the basic plot.
“It is stupid and foolish to persecute Mosley for simply expressing his inner yearnings without hurting anyone or anything except his wallet.
— Posted by MARK KLEIN, M.D.
I understand exactly how you feel – similar feelings, although less acute as it was more of a political disappointment than a personal betrayal, were the reason I didn’t blog about the new violent porn legislation. It’s really hard to know what to say about something this depressing. But sometimes saying “I don’t know what to say” is the most powerful comment of all.
There’s a superb letter/comment Niki’s blog>from both Paul and Lucy at Niki’s blog.
I am still trying to understand all of this, I will have to reread it again one more time but what you said was very heartwarming and well spoken and I really agree with everything I read.
Dear Ade3le,
On the contrary, you are a wondeful writer and say what you feel clearly and with wisadom. The issues surrounding the Mosley case have thrown the scene into a sharp relief an d made me want to communicate with those like you wh0 have spoken out for an open and positive approach for something which for years was taboo. Being much older I can remember the horrible way gay people were treated in the sixties and the rampant homophobia and a dear friend Drew Griffiths who helped nme understand what it meant to be gay shortly before his untimely death – Drew was a pioneering sprit of the gay lib movment through Gay Sweatshop. Its time for spankophoiles to come out of the closet and declare the positives of the internet scene – for me it has helped to bust depression, given me the courage to continue in my work given me creative energies, and at a time when endorphins are being understood as facilitators of positive energy and that spanking is proved to have a therapeutic effect when carried out as harmless erotic play, to be victimised by the truly aggressive thug culture would be a terrible setback after such gains have been made.
As a man renederd lonely for years by spanking fetish how wonderful to see women who get out there and declare their passionate pleasure = like you and Amelia and Sam and Lucy- great women strong women sisters in a struggle for a unique fomr of libeartion evcery bit as important as the gay movement was.
I believe Max had many ghosts from the past and found a way through play to not exorcise as much render them tolearble to see it all as part of the great sometimes terrible canrnivaleque that can be hi-jacked by dictators and fantics but fantasy ahhh fantasy that is such an important safetey valve. would that we could make an island of the free away from the skullduggery of the truly perverse but there is utopiansim – I suggest that what we and particular yu have gone through is a rite of passage that will lead to a deeper awareness of what all this is about- yes for now we have to hide as I do behind an assumed identity- I don’t want to, but there again the vanilla world doesn’t understand what I do – though you can be damn sure many are turned on by spanking but never admit to it, just repress and repress and repress – as they said back then keep on truckin girl,
love Vogel and a few light smacks for defeatism now cheer up adele and bounce back xxx
Very well said Adele. Speaking as a punter, who has enjoyed the company of many girls, couples and a guy , I am just appalled that someone could be so dreadfully grubby as to do what she has done.
The ramifications are so damaging.
I have now stopped seeing any practitioners of our wonderful scene.
The gutter press will be out there, looking to catch more “deviants” and the miserable fine imposed by Judge Eady will not serve as any sort of a deterrent…will not allow people to practice what they wish for without running the risk of exposure.
Also, for me, I am now only too aware that I run the risk of blackmail, something that I had never considered, but realise that I would be easy prey to someone who wanted to extract funds with relative ease.
So, well done “E” ….you have not only let the scene down so badly, but have curtailed activity of others.
It is an ugly story… but there are some positives that have come after the fact. Mr Mosley won his case and that can only be viewed as a good thing. And “E” has paid a heavy price for her horrendous decision. Those two facts have to make it *less* likely that something like this will happen again.
Todd and Suzy
Wondering if you know of a Mosely website where we can send support emails. As sad as the issue of his private and consensual life being betrayed I would like to thank him for standing up on behalf of all adults that lead a private and consensual life.
He deserves to learn of our support.
PD
While Vogel makes some interesting points with regard to the parallels between the gay subculture’s relationship with mainstream culture and the BDSM subculture’s relationship, in the US I have learned not to expect too much support from gays. A lot of them are actively hostile to the most common form of BDSM relationship, i.e., maledom/femsub. They regard it as a continuation of ‘the patriarchy,’ ignoring the fact that BDSM is all about consensuality and patriarchy has always been nonconsensual in nature.
A lot of gays are also surprisingly priggish about BDSM.
The overall attitude among US gays wrt BDSM seems to be “I’m all right, Jack.” Things may be different on your side of the pond.