On the Subject of Pain

Private Life and Play, Scenology, Shooting Films — By Adele on 17 April, 2006 9:42 pm

I don’t like pain. I need pain to get to the place in my head that enjoys suffering, being challenged, fighting and getting lost. I need it, but I don’t like it. For a masochist it’s a bit of a bummer, really, though I know plenty of girls who share this attitude.

When I started making spanking films, I’ve found that my attitude towards pain on set is completely different to when I play privately. In private scenes I don’t play very hard, and very rarely play more than one scene every few days. I prefer to come out of the scene feeling tender, but able to take more, rather than get thrashed so hard that even pulling up my panties feels like agony. I quite often cry, though I don’t like being brought to tears, and need a lot of aftercare when that happens.

On set, I need to be hurt. I’m not a method actress, even though I’ve had a little drama training; in order to portray pain on film, I need to be in real pain: more than I would normally take, more than I like, enough to make me lose composure, break down and suffer. I dream of crying on camera. I want to play scene after scene, until everybody on the set is falling over with fatigue.

At the same time, I need to be aware of the number of scenes yet to come, and I must pace myself so that I can finish the shoot without my skin giving in. This usually means I can’t get whacked hard enough to break down. What will happen is that either I’ll have to cut, or the director will decide to stop. Watching my limits is the responsible thing to do, it’s the right thing to do, but it can be quite frustrating to think that I could have reacted so much more naturally if only the skin of my butt had been capable of taking more.

I end up praying: “Harder, harder, please, this needs to hurt.” I long to be hurt. When the action stops and I feel like I could’ve taken more, it’s a let-down – so unlike my private scenes, where I’d be congratulating myself of having got away easily.

I’m insatiable, and I have to work on pacing myself, and I must come across as a painslut maniac of doom.