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Online Courting
Somebody IM’d Natty out of the blue and informed her that she needed a spanking. I love what she has to say at that:
I have to be able to consider you some sort of equal before you can comfortably utter those words to me. And if the first words out of your mouth are those words, then you have clearly demonstrated that you’re not.
I’m not sure I resent these words as much as Natty does, mainly because I’ve been messaged with things so odd and brazen that being told I need a spanking quite out of the blue seems kinda mild afterwards. That said, I would certainly shrug and move on if somebody’s first line to me assumed this sort of tone.
There is an argument that if a woman is writing about anything to do with sex and sexuality, she shouldn’t get all huffy when people come on to her in a laddish manner. In my opinion, this happens to be a load of bollocks. Telling a woman what she *should* feel results in nothing. And telling her “you shouldn’t act offended when you’ve invited the crude remarks” isn’t going to make her attracted to you.
So, there are girls who like forward flirting. However, if a girl you’re trying to flirt with isn’t one of them, you’ll certainly get ignored, and will maybe get an earful, and telling her that *some* girls are OK with it, isn’t going to help.
If you aren’t going to be polite because your mama raised you that way, at least be polite because it will get you the girl more surely.
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7 Responses to “Online Courting”
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Adele
Nice rant…. inspired by a row on a web forum perchance?
I don’t think I’ve told you before that I’m an avid reader of your blog. You write beautifully and you always make me laugh.
Katie
Thanks, Katie :) Believe it or not, the post and the forum row are not related. My patience for flame wars is very limited these days…
I vaguely remember being an adolescent male at one point, and it always seemed to me that the vast majority of my contemporaries somehow expected all women to respond in the same way to the same stimuli. I could never figure out how anyone could be so stupid, let alone how so many people could be (subsequently, of course, I have learnt that people en masse are far stupider than most individuals). To this day, I still see with some dismay the same behaviour in allegedly adult guys (and, let’s be honest, some girls too).
However in a face-to-face situation you can often get away with an outrageous opening remark – if it is not appreciated then more often than not a swift apology or self-deprecating remark can defuse the situation. Sadly, you cannot do that without the appropriate body language.
It’s just occured to me that I don’t really have a point to make, I’m just wittering so I shall stop now.
Adele, you need a spanking.
Lancs – Good point re: difference between face-to-face and screen-to-screen communication. I suppose, emoticons rectify it just a tiny bit, but even a smiley can mean tons of different things – from “I’m laughing my arse off at your stupidity” to “Last comment was tongue-in-cheek, thus, the smiley”. Nothing can really substitute brains and natural tactfullness.
Lancs’s inner caveman – you’re all brains and natural tacfullness, my dear; where should I go to drape myself over your lap as soon as possible?
Meant to comment on this a few days ago but got distracted, which is good because I’m a bit more cogent today, if not able to spell or type properly.. ;)
It’s funny because I keep thinking about why it bothered me so much. I mean, as you point out, guys will say far more repulsive things, like, say, involving their abilities with summoning certain male bodily fluids while reading my blog, etc.
I guess it was this feeling of annoyance that a total stranger would try to role-play with me without asking my consent. And I’m quite grateful that you point out that just because I write about spanking doesn’t mean I’m asking to be objectified. Indeed the purpose of my blog, as well as yours, is to give voice to someone who has traditional not had that voice.
On the other hand, A. said to me that it was probably just some guy like one he knew in his twenties who would go around to every woman at a party or bar and ask her to shag. Ninety-nine percent would say “no” of course, but there would always be one who would say yes. It was just a matter of playing the odds for him, knowing that if he asked enough women, one would say yes. And because it was online, there was even less risk for this bloke.
That and Lancisto’s point about guys assuming that all women respond to the same stimuli kinda sum it up I think.
Hmm…
Natty, you do realize A. is apparently seeing men doing online courting as a form of pickup line spamming? No wonder you find it annoying! ;)