Respect the Party-going Guy
Commercial Parties, Scenology — By Adele on 29 November, 2006 11:14 pmIt makes me mighty unhappy to hear girls bad-mouth men who come to commercial spanking parties. I’ve met some fantastic guys at the parties I’ve done (even if I get scared witless every time just before I go, but that has more to do with my extreme shyness). I often find myself wondering how this or that guy is doing, and what he had thought of my most recent video, and whether he would come to one of my parties again.
Parties are not the best place to make friends – there is too much going on, you’re either getting spanked or socialise with everybody at once, and you have to make sure no one is sitting in the corner, forgotten. I’m told, parties are a good way to make contacts for 1-2-1 sessions, but as I don’t do those, opportunities to make lasting friendships and playing again with the men I liked are pretty limited.
Be that as it may, I’ve met some wonderful guys. One man at my first party kept cracking jokes that nearly made me fall off his lap; another was so young that I felt I should be spanking him instead, though he was perfectly proficient. Then there was an older man with incredible energy and enthusiasm for spanking play; I always think of him when I feel like I couldn’t be bothered to buckle my school shoes or to watch another spanking film. Another guy was simply smokin’ hot (I like a man with a dark beard), another was sweet to the point of not wanting to hurt the girls (though honestly, it was OK).
When I hear people dismiss these men as weirdos who can’t get a spanking partner for free, I can’t help imagining the faces of the guys I’ve met. “That one’s not a weirdo, and neither is that other one, and I supposed this one is slightly odd, but he’s so sweet that it doesn’t really matter.”
Don’t get me wrong, there’s an occasional odd vibe, and sometimes there’ll be a man you can’t connect with, or can’t bring yourself to like – but all the sweet, charming men, unlucky enough not to have another outlet for their spanking fantasies, but brave enough to come to the open and attend a party, making all of them responsible for the creepiness of the world is uninformed and unfair.
I do wonder how one particular guy is doing, and whether he’ll come to one of my parties again…
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5 Comments
I suspect that attitude comes from the girls who’ve been doing it for so long they’re jaded about the whole scene. I’ve heard similar comments and they annoy me too. Lucy McLean has the best response to that rudeness, so I won’t pre-empt what I’m sure she’ll say. :-)
Can I rant too? The thing that probably annoys me most is the dismissive attitude towards girls who do 121s (and naturally the “losers” who have to pay for them). Like it’s somehow beneath us to condescend to see men in private and get paid for it. Like it’s prostitution. I’ve said this before, but I have a lot of respect for sex-workers (which includes us in the broadest sense) and I don’t see why “prostitutes” come lower than spanking models on some arbitrary sex hierarchy. No, 121s are not prostitution in the conventional sense, as there’s no sex. But what if there was? Whose business is it? And whose place is it to judge?
Incidentally, I’ve never done 121s, but I’d certainly consider it if I met someone at a party and the vibe was right. (And the money, of course – I am a whore, after all!) ;-)
I have been going to spanking parties for nearly 10 years, and I have had countless wonderful scenes with men I met there. There really is an unfair bias at these things. A woman can go to a spanking party and pretty much be guaranteed play time, whether she’s solo or coupled. But if a man comes alone, many have an automatic assumption that he’s a lurker, a wanker, and he is under suspicion until he proves himself otherwise. My boyfriend has told me that, in the past, he’s been in a room by himself at these things (I’m off doing God knows what) and the women who don’t know him steer clear of him. But as soon as I walk back in, go up to him and give him a hug and it’s obvious I’m with him, the same women will smile at him. It’s like I validate his presence somehow, which is completely unfair — he shouldn’t need that.
Sadly, there have been a few men out there who make it tough for the rest of them. On another forum years ago, a friend of mine wrote a very wise list, which he called “One Guy’s Rules to Having a Good Time at a Shadow Lane Party.” He listed things like, “Don’t go expecting women are just going to fall into your lap; be friendly and open, show interest in the whole woman, not just her bottom; don’t interrupt people’s scenes; If you see friends engaging in horseplay of some sort, don’t assume you can do that with a stranger; don’t get up close and leer at a woman’s private bits while she’s OTK; DON’T GET DRUNK, etc.” I put that last one in caps because it is essential — drinking and spanking are not a good mix. I saw a young man a while back, at his first SL party. He had everything going for him — nice-looking, friendly, etc. But he was nervous, and that first night, he proceeded to get thoroughly plastered. I played with him (not privately, but in a room party), and he immediately shoved my legs apart. I slammed them back together, and he pushed them apart again! I said stop that, it’s inappropriate, and he leaned down and slurred in my ear, “I can’t help it, you’re just so @#$%ing hot.” By the next night, the poor guy was completely alone in the ballroom — no one would go near him. But he did it to himself.
I shouldn’t veer off into party etiquette here. I do agree that male partygoers deserve a lot more respect than they get. And for THIS girl, who doesn’t do any F/F, the parties wouldn’t be much fun without men! :-)
I totally agree with you Adele and can’t believe some of the drivel and generalisation I have heard spoken about not just party-goers but those that are 121 “punters” or “losers” as have been nastily described by some. I was warned not to do this, be careful of that etc and maybe i’m reckless or just lucky so far but I can honestly say I have yet to meet anybody in the scene that wasn’t a decent gentleman and really nice to me. On the subject of 121, just for the record, I have done very few in the past and don’t plan on doing any/many ever again now (personal choice, no time), but I never saw my guests totally through business eyes anyway. Over a coffee and chat I’ve found that I have really got to know people for themselves and felt relaxed and safe in their company and they have been quite charming.
Parties I have done have also been relaxed and friendly and i enjoyed the breaks to chat as much, if not more than the spanking stuff, and it often makes it more fun afterwards going back in to be spanked by someone you like and know a bit more about after that.
I don’t ever judge anyone from afar, so don’t expect to be judged myself by anyone who hasn’t spent time to get to know me, although i know there are always those with pre-conceived ideals or fears.
In turn I hate reading some of the unfair and sick categories, social groups and classes some of my friends (yes friends) have been lumped into.
My comments have nothing to do with “business” or personal marketing, but everything to do with my passion for people. When all’s said and done this is after all only a minority sport/interest and it doesn’t matter a jot in the big puzzle. Real friendships formed through the scene can last much longer than that.
Emma
x
You get bad-mouthing in any occupation. I was once getting my hair cut and the hairdresser starting slagging off every customer she’d had that day – one had smelly breath, another had big ears, another had a scar on the back of his neck or something… I couldn’t help wondering what she was going to say about me when I left her shop. She didn’t get my custom again.
I have visited a pro spankee on four occasions. The girl was great, and actually talked favourably about other guys. (For example, “There is a really cute guy who likes me to…”, “There’s this old fella and we have a real laugh together…” etc)
Speaking as one of guys, I have never attended a party, but as mentioned have met a pro spankee. I am not a weirdo, or a loser. I have spanked girls and not had to pay (I had a LTR with a girl who loved spanking, and she kind of got me (further) into it.) I am presently single, why shouldn’t I enjoy myself?
Girls labelling the guys as losers or weirdoes is like the guys labelling the girls as dispensible whores who let perverts batter their bums just so they can pay off their credit card debts. Neither are true.
(Thinking about it, there are some guys who get quite turned on being labelled a “loser”. So perhaps these particular girls are in the wrong job. Check out http://www.humiliatrix.com)
Everyone slags people off occasionally, but good people do it when the person’s actually there!
This is quite a long comment – so apologies if I’ve fucked-up anyone’s bandwidth!
Have a nice day.
Danny
You know, I *do* intend to comment on this, I just am giving it an awful lot of thought first as not sure exactly what it is I want to say yet! Hurrah to Adele yet again for providing another thought provoking, insightful post….