Steve Martin and 72 Virgins

Misc Perversions — By on 13 February, 2007 8:25 pm

As an occassional dash of vanilla flavour from this blog, may I send you munchkins over to the site of “The New Yorker”, where you can share Steve Martin’s imagined experience of the promised virgins of Paradize.

Virgin No. 7: Here, I’ll just pull down your zipper. Oh, sorry!

Virgin No. 8: Can we cuddle first?

Virgin No. 9: It was a garlic-and-onion pizza. Why?

Virgin No. 10: . . . so I see Heath, and he goes, “Like, what are you doing here?,” and I go, “I’m hangin’ out,” so he goes, “Like, what?” . . .

Virgin No. 11: First you’re going to have to show me an up-to-date health certificate.

Virgin No. 12: Hurry! My parents are due home!

Virgin No. 13: Do you want the regular or the special?

And my personal favourite:

Virgin No. 38: I’m Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my foot.

Hehe, she must be an alien. No woman I know calls her girly bits “vagina”. ;)

3 Comments

  1. ivar says:
    14 February, 2007 at 3:06 am

    Wow, for those into foot worship, #38 could be an incredible time saver.

    Do any of Steve’s virgins play the banjo?

    -ivar

  2. Emma Bishop says:
    14 February, 2007 at 1:11 pm

    Adele, where on earth do you get this duper stuff from?! It’s well wik!
    My personal fave is:

    Virgin No. 24: Would you mind saying, “Could I see you in my office, Miss Witherspoon?”?

    because a good spanking could be substituted for foreplay or woven into it afterwards? lol!

    As for using the V word, I love the scene in “In her Shoes” (my fave movie ever) where Maggie (Cameron Diaz) and Rose (Toni Collette) are impersonating their step mum when she keeps going on about how great her daughter Marsha is..

    Rose: “You’re completely obscene!”
    Maggie: “Why, because I use the word Vagina?”
    Rose (impersonating Step Mum): – “Michael, I don’t know what’s wrong with your girls but my Marsha never uses the word Vagina”
    Maggie: “My Marsha doesn’t even have a vagina”
    Rose: “My Marsha has a vagina alright, but it’s so perfect it’s made of 24 Carat gold”!

    ..and it goes on and I still giggle hysterically at this scene watching probably the most deliberate uses of the word in one scene.

    Emma
    x

  3. Adele says:
    15 February, 2007 at 5:44 pm

    Ivar – if she plays the banjo for pleasure, no wonder she’s still a virgin ;)

    Emma – LOL That’s some dialogue! I bet now I’ll get search hits on “girls who don’t have a vagina” ;)

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