Those spanking models are so scary, you know.
Commercial Parties, Pornographers vs Audience — By Adele on 24 February, 2006 11:40 amThere’s a curious breed of spanko men: they are so afraid of manipulation that they have a defensive aura around them as thick as anti-missile armour. I saw at least one of those at each party I did. They expect to be duped, led astray, made fools of and kicked out into the cold while the heartless girl laughs her naked butt off, stuffing bills into her corset – and still they can’t stay away – and still they’re afraid.
This doesn’t quite compute. A guy comes in to smack girls’ bottoms – and he’s *defensive*? Where’s the logic in this?
Obviously, somewhere, somehow, these folks picked up an image of a vamp in pigtails and pleated skirt, and then they proceed to be scared witless of her all through the party, and nothing you can do will put them at ease. Which is quite disheartening, really, because firstly, we work really hard at those parties to put people at their ease, and secondly, I’m personally not used to scaring people just by smiling at them, and particularly not by bending over their lap. Whoever the hell that scared guy is seeing when he’s glaring at me with suspicion, it’s definitely not me, and when people look at you and see somebody else – somebody they don’t really like all that much – it’s really rather creepy.
I can’t really write it off to first-time nerves, because at both of my parties there were several guys new to commercial party scene, and not all of them looked at me as though I was about to steal their teddy-bear. Besides, first-time nerves don’t explain the ones that I haven’t even met, but who send me private messages on forums I read.
From time to time I’ll get a message asking me about my work, and it would be obvious that the guy is in full self-defence mode against being somehow duped.
My favourite dialogue goes like this:
“Do you do private appointments?”
“No, I don’t.”
“How do I know that?”
Eh? Because if I did, I wouldn’t do it so secretly that no prospective clients every found out, maybe?
Or here’s another one I love:
“You’re not actually into spanking, are you?”
“Yes, I actually am.”
“Well, I don’t believe you.”
OK, whatever. But if you thought you’d be lie to, why ask the questions in the first place?
I’d like to find out who perpetuates the myth of bad, bad, bad spanking models who are bad, and to offer the perpetuators something to complain about.
Tags: rant
Share on Facebook
Digg This
Bookmark
Stumble
11 Comments
My humble opinion as a professional psychologist, my dear, is that they are projecting their own guilt about participating in such sports.
Fess
F’rinstance they may have some internalized version of their mother that is scowling and condemning the girl involved.
I think it’s just an experience common to professional perverts. As a phone sex operator, my callers question my pictures, my wardrobe, every noise I make, the way I speak, even whether or not I’m really in college… Why ask if you’re just going to be bitter and cynical about whatever I say, then refuse to believe me? They all seem to think it’s a game, they’re the ones being played, and nobody likes to feel outsmarted.
I’m glad you joined the Sugasm – your blog rocks.
Fesseequebec: I’m not immune to imagining a thoroughly disapproving parent myself. :) You’re right, of course: it’s about guilt and insecurities. Though I wish those folks didn’t deal with guilt by being difficult morons.
Sabrina: Thanks for the welcome! You know, I think that maybe the underlying message behind the “I don’t even believe you’re a living person” comments could be “I’m not a mug like all those other people you talk to. You can tell me the truth; I’m clever and special.” Or something along those lines. After all, who doesn’t want to feel special?
Adele,
Sorry I neglected to comment on the blog, which I think is great and I wish you much success with it.
I can understand how unnerving it must be to be stared at like some kind of monster.
FQ
Hi Adele
You make a very interesting comment about the disbelief concerning the motives of the spankees held by some of the men you have met.
As you know, I have been a scene player for quite a few years now, but I can still recall when I was still in the closet.
It is a lonely place there and I had all sorts of misconceptions concerning my love of things spanking. For a start, and please Adele try to contain your laughter, I thought it a purely male kink.
Of course I know different now and having met, and spanked, many ladies who have just loved to play for their own gratification as well as mine.
However looking at it from my previous, and very erroneous perspective that it is purely a man thing, the logic follows that the girls must be doing it any other reason than they enjoy it. Maybe that is one possible reason for the extreme cautioness of some of the guys you have talked to.
I must say that in my own case the misconception did not endure two minutes once I began to correspond with and meet ladies who were as deeply into the kink as I am.
Long may the pure joy of spanking endure!
Monty.
How lovely to see you here, Monty! {{{{hugs}}}}
When you put it this way, I can see a certain logic in it. And that’s how you know a decent person from a whackjob: a decent person will hear women say that they’re into spanking too, get excited and try to get to know more and go out and play – while a whackjob will insist that it can’t be true because it can’t be true.
Adele:
I have only recently discovered your blog (through Niki Flynn’s not blog which I just started and finished reading a few days ago). And I am reading your blogs from oldest to latest. All of that was to explain why I am just commenting on this blog.
Reading Niki’s blog has taught me for the first time (well the first time without *any* doubt) that the models, spankees or whatever are truly into the fetish.
Having said that I have no doubt our initial conversation at a spanking party would have been exactly as you said:
“You’re not actually into spanking, are you?”
“Yes, I actually am.”
“Well, I don’t believe you.”
When you have gone on believing that you are a freak for loving spanking for a long time (at least 30 years in my case) it is hard to believe that there are others out there like you. This is especially true when all of the guy’s fantasies involve the guy being the top and you the naughty one who will do anything to get out of the much deserved spanking.
I think it is this dynamic (male top unwilling female bottom) that leads (or led) us to believe that the female bottom can not really be into the spanking.
I do not feel that way any more. I would like to sincerly thank you (I have already thanked Niki :-) for putting me straight.
If the conversation happens again may I suggest that you tell the nervous guy to check out this blog?
Take care and Thanks!!!
Gary
Hi, Gary – welcome to the wondeful word of internet perverts who are proud to be perverts. :) (Or, if not proud, are at least not sad about it.)
I’m not at all dismissive of the loneliness a person may feel when they think they’re on their own – I remember it well, and I wouldn’t belittle it. However, there are people to act as though their trust glands have atrophied. The difference between you and those others is that you are prepared to change your world-view when faced with new information, and they are decidedly not.
I’m glad you know you’re not alone any more :)
I’m also the sort of person who reads blogs start to finish, but I’m slightly horrified at the idea of how long this may take you.
Hello Adele,
thanks for your exccellent blog and particularly this post. I can certainly associate with the sort of fear you describe from “newbie” spankers, finding myself very much in the group described by Gary, with the added bit of still confining my kink entirely to the virtual world.
Still, I hope as I read more, my understanding (not least of myself) grows and one glorious future day I will be able to actually move from the virtual to the real without doing the “shellshocked idiot” impression.
Thanks &take care,
Jens
Hi Jens,
Good luck with your emergence onto the real scene. The fact that you are stopping to think about what impression you create is already a really good sign, so I’m sure it’ll work alright for you.