Young Stalker’s Guide to Models

Rants, Raves and Reviews — By Adele on 4 July, 2006 9:47 pm

I’m amazed by some of the questions folks send me, expecting an immediate, truthful answer. I understand that you’re trying to be sociable and make small talk, but do you seriously think I’ll tell you things like what my real name is, what I’m studying and where, when my real birthday is, where precisely I come from, and all the other things that make stalking so very convenient?

And don’t try the “but Jane Doe is also a model, and she told me that she’s really Drusilla Smith from Middle Wallop, and she’s a second year theology student in Royal Holloway” trick, because

a) I think you’re lying;
b) even if you’re not lying, she was;
c) even if she wasn’t lying, I’m not her, so just quit it.

Anyway, why are you telling me these things about a girl I don’t know? Way to go, Mr. I-Can-Keep-a-Secret.

If I don’t know you reasonably well, don’t ask. Unless you really want me to lie to you.

Warning: If you phrase your request as “Kneel, slave, and beg My permission to tell Me your worthless name”, I’ll stick a cyber-dildo up your cyber-arse, Mia-style. Is that a deal?